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09/19/2004: "Sex for pre-teens, Canadian-style"
Parents of children in the Annapolis Valley of Nova Scotia are up in arms over a sex manual that public schools plan on using with seventh graders and higher. (The manual itself can be accessed here.) To give you an idea of what the administrators at the Annapolis Valley Regional School Board think is appropriate for 12-year-olds, as well as something of the ideology that lies behind the manual, here are some selections:
Sexuality is about feelings and desires. It's about finding your own way to juggle feelings that are confusing and scary and exciting—all at the same time. Sexuality includes sexual feelings and the decisions you make about how you act on those feelings....Healthy sexual choices are choices you can feel good about. (p. 5–if you've got "feelings and desires," what more do you need?)
There is more than one kind of sexuality. As sexuality develops, some people discover that they are attracted to people of the same gender. They may be gayor lesbian. Some people are attracted to both genders. They may be bisexual. Some people feel that they are in the wrong body—that is, a girl feels as if she ought to have been a boy or a boy feels as if he ought to have been a girl. They may be transgendered. People who are attracted to the opposite sex are heterosexual or straight. (p. 8–got to get this out right at the beginning)
If you think you are gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgendered: •You are not alone! There are other youth and adults who have felt the same way. There are people out there you can talk to. •It’s okay to be yourself. What you are feeling is natural and normal for you. Lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgendered people can have healthy relationships and lead happy, fulfilling lives with family, friends, and community. •Only you will know if you are lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgendered. You are who you are, and in time you will know for sure. You don’t have to come out and tell people until you are ready. •You don’t have to have sex to tell whether you are lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgendered. Being gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgendered is about feelings, relationships, and attraction, not just about sex. (p. 9–again, despite the very small percentages of such folks in the typical population, they have to put this right up front, and keep in mind that it's now against Canadian hate crime law to suggest that this is less than entirely factual)
Check it out! Sexual activities are ways to physically express sexual or romantic feelings and to give and receive pleasure. Sexual activities include: •Kissing •Hugging •Masturbation •Making out (is that a technical term? what does it mean?) •Touching, feeling •Oral sex •Vaginal intercourse •Anal intercourse (p. 11–note the complete lack of context, such as marriage or even "committed, monogamous relationship" for any of this)
One "high risk sexual activity" is sharing sex toys (p. 15–Nova Scotia must be a wilder place than I thought if 12-year-olds can get sex toys)
Relationships can be healthy or unhealthy. Whether or not you feel happy and comfortable with any kind of sexual activity—from kissing to having sex—depends on whether you feel happy and comfortable with your partner. (p. 16–again, the utter lack of context, like sex is something you do for the fun of it, just as long as it's with something you feel "happy and comfortable" with)
You MAY be ready [to have sex] when: •You have information about your choices and you understand the risks. •You’ve thought about it and you know what sex means to you, what you want, what you don’t want, and what’s important to you. You’re comfortable with the idea of a sexual relationship. •You can talk to your partner about sex. You and your partner trust each other, listen to each other, and respect each other’s beliefs and choices. •You and your partner are ready, willing, and able to protect yourselves—from STIs and from pregnancy. This means using condoms and birth control. •You’re sure this is the right thing for you to do. You feel good about yourself and about the choices you’re making. (p. 21–love, commitment, fidelity–who needs any of that stuff as long as you've got a condom?)
Caution! There is no "right age" for having sex. But one important thing to consider when making your decision is that having vaginal sex before age 18 is risky for a girl. This is because the cells of the cervix are still developing and are more easily damaged. This puts girls at higher risk for cervical cancer. (p. 22–the only risk to sex for 12-year-olds they can think of is cervical cancer?)
The legal ageof sexual consent in Nova Scotia is 14. The exception to this is that a person who is 12 or 13 can consent to sexual activity but only with a person who is less than 2 years older than he or she is. This means, for example, that a 13-year-old can consent to sexual activity with a 15-year-old, but sexual activity between a 13-year-old and a 16-year-old is illegal. (p. 36–thank you for explaining to my 12-year-old who she can have sex with; parents across the province will sleep better knowing their seventh grader draws the line at 14-year-olds)
You get the point. But I can't leave this without one more quote:
Sexuality is about what feels right to you. It’s not about living up to someone else’s ideal or image. Your differences make you unique. They make you special. (p. 91)
Isn't that just extra special?
Parents in Annapolis Valley are organizing to fight the introduction of this manual (here's their site), and have until September 30 to change the school board's mind. The manual is called "Sex? A Healthy Sexuality Resource." Be on the lookout in your community. For that matter, if you're the parent of any public school child, you should be checking out any sex ed materials being used. Just to be on the "safer" side.
(Hat tip: Binky.)
